My Shortcomings

I was holding off writing here until all my midterms were returned. That time has come. I think the best way to present this topic is in matching-game form. I've conjured a scale(below) which will be used to gauge my failures and disappointments. Being the perpetrator of said failures, I've already had the time to weigh and measure them according to the scale. Those measurements will not be revealed here, and such is the premise of the game. On top of the hats you already wear as my reader and creepy, non-comment-leaving voyeur(JJ and my Huckleberry Friend excluded, of course), you will temporarily don a player hat. I will describe failures and shortcomings I've accomplished (or whatever the negative version of accomplished is) and you will rate them according to the provided scale. You will compare you weighings with mine, which will be available in less than a fortnight, and the one closest to my ratings will be deemed the victor.

Please press any key to continue

Weight: [0]
Diction: Negligible Drawback
Equivalent Event:Spilt Milk. Burnt Toast. Peeing on the toilet seat.

Weight: [1]
Diction:Correctable Misstep
Equivalent Event: Siding with Tony Stark and not Steve Rogers.(note: One Mr. Parker has proven such an action is indeed 'correctable')

Weight:[2]
Diction: Grievous Error
Equivalent Event: Frodo initially using The Ring, Sam not expressing his true feelings for Mr. Frodo before he sailed away to the Blessed Realm.

Weight: [3]
Diction: Irredeemable Blunder
Equivalent Event:
14. Qf3 Bd3
15. Rd1 Be2

Weight:[4]
Diction: Heartbreaking Tragedy
Equivalent Event: Katrina(the hurricane).

Weight:[5]
Diction: Unimaginable Disaster
Equivalent Event: Katrina(the Federal response to).

Weight:[6]
Diction: Hopeless Fiasco
Equivalent Event: Operation Iraqi Freedom.




Item 1: Political Science
I won't be participating in the democratic tradition and privilege of voting. I've had too much on my plate. Between synchronizing concurrent processes, defending against blockiness attacks on steganographic images, collision resistant pseudorandom permutations, and most importantly rustling up the perfect hash brown(see item 6), my time has been completely depleted. Of course this is no excuse for depriving myself of democratic participation and therefore depriving my fellow men(Yes, I said 'men' and no, I don't feel it necessary to be p.c. here. In fact I think it would be superfluous on top of being ridiculous) of a more perfect democratic process. on the other hand, any vote Icast now would be vastly ignorant. Is a non-vote bettern than an uninformed vote? Also, my voting state is on the other side of the country. Not only would I be voting on local issues that aren't at all local to me, and therefore relatively irrelevant, but I would be voting on officials concerned mainly about said irrelevant issues. Yes, I understand their congressional representation is at a national level, that's why this is considered one of my many 'shortcomings'.

Item 2: Foreign Language
My progress in Farsi is unimpressive at best. I've acquired "The Rosetta Stone" software to help me and have finished the first lesson, but it's currently gathering dust. I've resolved to learn the alphabet before taking the lessons any further. In two months I've come as far as the first five letters and the realization that Persians love the 'z' sound.

Item 3: Agriculture
Through my veins runs the repressed, exploited blood of a long line of farmers. My apartment has a balcony which would be perfect for growing eggplants or tomatoes, but I haven't taken advantage. And a floral arrangement would be welcome company out there whenever I de-pink my lungs(see item 5). Whatever, It's winter here anyway. I can express my inner, overworked farmer in the Spring.

Item 4: Interior Design

This is not how I intended to decorate my apartment. I wanted Van Gogh's and a cute tea set, maybe a very rectangular coffee table, definitely a Persian rug. But I've encountered some desperate times.

Item 5: Chemistry
C₈H₁₀N₄O₂ and C₁₀H₁₄N₂ have found their way into my regular consumption. Though the amounts are generally limited to a single dosage a day. My concern here is whether these daily ingestions signify a chemical or physical addiction, or an addiction at all for that matter.

Item 6: Culinary Arts
I still can't get fucking hash browns right! The shreds stay together, but some parts are burnt while others are still a little raw. What the hell am I doing wrong? I shred the potatoes, melt the butter in the pan, let it get a little hot, and toss the shreds on the heated surface. There's a probabilistic combination of stirring and flattening that follows. Once the shreds start to darken I execute one more flattening and let it sit. After a few minutes of sauteeing, I flip the flattened mass of root to the uncooked side('flip' here is cutting up into manageable pieces, as I am not dexterous enough to flip it as an atomic unit), of course the fucker breaks apart. Now the previously uncooked side takes its turn for a couple minutes. At this point I turn the heat off, slide(this I am dexterous enough to do) the monstrosity onto my plate, and force it down my throat for the sake of avoiding waste. There has to be something I'm missing, or not doing, or doing too much. Can anyone help? Please?

Item 7: University Studies
As of now I'm taking only three classes, down from my initial four. In Web Security, Privacy and Commerce, I studied a paltry five hours and scored a 97% where the average was an 85%. In Computer Security I studied four to five days and scored 49/100 where the average was 46, unimpressive. Lastly and most disappointing, I studied three to four days for Embedded Systems and scored 13 under the 76% average. Wtf? I made some boneheaded mistakes in preparing for and taking that particular exam. Also, my decision to drop my packet switching class is proof of my unexplainable cowardice when it comes to hardware and the lower levels of the OSI stack.

Item 8: Sociology
Despite my minimal to mediocre efforts to better integrate myself with my peers, I've not progressed any personal relationships beyond 'lab partner' or 'office mate'. Meals are almost always taken in solitude.

Item 9: Economics
Due to a combination of my poor calculations, oriental excursion, and refusal to suffer through two years without a piano of some sort, I am now in more debt than I'm comfortable with. Nothing I can't handle, I hope, but a testament to my lack of control over these accursed plastic rectangles.

item 10: Creative Writing
I make my best efforts to keep these entries short and manageable in a single sitting so as not to demand too much of you, the reader/non-comment-leaving voyeur(JJ and my Huckleberry friend excluded, as before), but I'm afraid despite my intentions this one has ran past its course.

My Experiments

Before I get into this week's topic, allow me to digress into something completely unrelated. Now, aside from 'The Simpsons', 'Futurama', 'The Daily Show', and 'Newshour with Jim Lehrer', I never watched much television. I alluded to Scrubs in a previous entry and for good reason, it's an amazing show. It's got that 'coming of age' theme that so totally applies to me at this point of my life. Anyway, I don't want to prattle on about it. I just want to discuss some strange parallels in my own recent experiences. J.D. (Zach Braff) is always trying to gain the approval of his mentor/supervisor, Dr. Cox, who is a classic alpha male. While I'm no stranger to mentorism (There's a couple professors at the ol' alma mater (haha...I can say alma mater (and use triple embedded parentheses, as it were)) who I really looked up to, and I hope I can figure out a way to thank them one day), I keep seeing Dr. Cox reflected in my Computer Security professor, who also seems like a classic alpha male, and I find myself wondering if he's noticed my above average quiz grades. I'm thinking of a plot to somehow fenagle him into being my thesis advisor. J.D. is constantly tormented by an antagonistic janitor, aptly named 'Janitor'. There's a surly janitor in our department building, and sometimes I'd wish he'd purposely remove a 'wet floor' sign so I may slip on it and comically slide into the next room. Much like my current rough patch adjusting to a massive workload, J.D. also has a terribly rough time settling in at his hospital. Most unfortunately, there's no female parallel that could begin to be comparable to the stunning, yet Canadian, Sarah Chalke. In 'Scrubs' J.D. has a token minority best friend....Being a token minority myself, I'm not counting on finding this parallel. Now on to business.

When I moved out here I promised myself I'd learn how to cook. So I've been experimenting in the culinary arts. My entire family, father and mother side, laughs at me when I tell them I've been cooking, perhaps rightly so. It's mostly been fried rice with vegetables and tofu, but I've had some successes with a so called 'tangy carrot chowder' and my mamma's eggroll recipe. My mashed potato pyramind was better served for entertainment than consumption. I find I burn a lot of things. I knew I was in trouble when I had to tell myself, "Self, you're not going to UN-burn it by adding more teriyaki sauce". I think my problem lies in my refusal to follow recipes. My process involves glancing at the materials required while not really heeding the suggested portion amount. That part is just a suggestion, right?

There was also a surprise experiment happening in the cupboard where I keep my potatoes. As I was reaching up for a fresh russet potato, I felt something squishy. I took a closer look and found it was a previous bag of potatoes. There was a single object in the bag, and alas what was once a savory potato was transformed into a foul mass of sludge. I brought it down for a closer look and placed it on the counter. To my disgust some liquid oozed out of the bag and onto the vinyl. But that's not all that escaped, amidst the brown puddle was a white worm of some sort. Tots, I named him Tots(after his dwellings), looked as if he was most uncomfortable in his new setting. So I decided to do him a favor and out him out of his misery via garbage disposal. The rest of his brethren, assuming there were others in the sludge, went straight to the trash can and promptly tossed out. And speaking of surprise organisms, I've had the same two bags of cheese since I first went grocery shopping, pepper jack and sharp cheddar, and they're only now starting to grow mold. I find their resilience to be moldless very impressive.

It's been getting cold here and I do believe my winter wardrobe arsenal is complete. A pair of NoSweat high tops for the snow, few pairs of hella thick union-made socks, two union-made beanies, multiple pairs of thermal underwear, standard issue scarf, fair trade alpaca scarf, a heavy wool coat with nylon lining, and one cute-ass peacoat. I've been wearing at least two of these items on colder days and getting a feel for what dressing for cold weather will be like. However, as I was raised in the tropics and spent the past nine years in the Mojave, I am absolutely aware that my apparel will be inevitably insufficient. I hope we learned something new here today. Scrubs is good. Cooking is hard. Potato sludge is gross. Eat around mold. Weather is merciless.

Coincidentally, at this moment I'm watching the Futurama episode where Bender pursues his passion in cooking.
Leila: "You're a robot you don't even have a sense of taste."
Bender:"Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if I was wearing a lime green tanktop"
Fry: "Bam!"
..Hilarious

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Dinner for 01
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